Without announcement the Professor walks onstage and stands behind the podium or table and addresses the audience as though at a scientific conference. On one table are "artifacts", some covered with sheets. The blackboard is covered up. The screen, slide projector and assistant are ready to go. The professor has many papers and looks very learned. Everything is delivered in a serious tone.

Professor:
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. It is indeed a pleasure to be asked once more to address this esteemed body of scientists. As you know, my field of study is archeology and when I last addressed this gathering at the Convention of Year 3050, a while back, I was happy to be able to report that I had made some preliminary finds in my dig in the Northern Frozen Wasteland. This was my first find. (Holds up battered representation of the top part of the Camp sign with the words toward himself.) As I told you then, the site was originally a small settlement on the shores of a former large lake, which eventually rose and inundated the civilization. (Turning the sign around.) As the word on this fragment has been transliterated as "Dorion", we have named the site the "Dorion Site".

Further work on the site has revealed some startling facts about life there in those ancient days. We will begin by showing you this map of the site. (Uncovers board.) Beginning at the location of this fragment, we dug towards the shore of the former lake. We found indications of a few small buildings of indeterminable purpose: (Mo's cabin and the Motel). Further along we discovered a large building, which we have determined to be The Temple.

The discovery of the nature of the religious life of the community was the most fascinating aspect of our work. Inside we found what we believe to be an idol of the central god of the group. (Uncovers cat lamp.) The fierce aspect on the face of this creature says much about the nature of the Dorionians' worship. They were a war-like people, as indicated by the discovery of these primitive weapons. (Displays bows and arrows.) Inefficient whips and small spears.

All around the site were smaller structures (indicates cabins) which we have called "corrals", as these housed seemingly thousands of slaves. Each corral was manned by at least one priest. These slaves were taken regularly to the Fattening Hall (Dining Hall) until finally in a ceremony, the nature of which we dare not guess, the slaves were presumably sacrificed to the Cat God by the priests. As no bodies have been found, we can only assume that the priests devoured the slaves cannibalistically in a ritual feast and burned the remains.

All we know for certain is that this ceremony was known as "Chapel" or possibly "Quiet Time". Perhaps the slaves were gagged to prevent noise in the presence of the god. We have discovered some of the weapons used in the ritual scattered around the site. (Displays baseball bat, meat cleaver, etc..)

Near the Fattening Hall was located the idol of another god, the god of food and of time, called Bell. Inside the hall were found these fragments (displays "Every pot must wear a lid" etc.). We have concluded that these are the commandments of Bell, but their exact implications are not known.

As well, in the Fattening Hall was discovered this (uncovers coffee pot containing coffee), which we believe to be the Urn of the Sacred Liquid. This liquid actually found in the Urn has an almost solid constituency and seems entirely impossible to drink.

In another small building (Tuk Shop) were found these examples of Dorionian art, originally thought to be vases, now believed to be vessels containing magic potions dedicated to various gods named Pepsi, Crush and so on. Sacred incantations were found inscribed on the inside of this building presumably a very holy place. Evidence was found of sacrifices of small furbearing animals made inside.

These buildings (staff cabins) are believed to be the tombs of some of the priests. The only indication of the identity of these priests was found in this one (Lamont) where a plaque naming the deceased priest was excavated (possibly showing "In Memory of Tumble Inn"). The bodies of Tumble Inn and the other priests have not been located, leading us to suspect grave robbing.

Other even smaller buildings (outhouses) were filled with a foul odour and contained holes through which the priests stuck the slaves' heads in order to torture them.

One of the most valuable finds was that of these few tiny works of art, intricately painted on a mysterious substance. We have constructed a machine to allow us all to view these icons. We assume the Dorionians have much better eyesight than we do.

(Shows slides and gives erroneous interpretations; for e.g., people dressed up "as part of a re-enactment of mythical sagas." Cabins lined up = "regimented lifestyle". Joe and Sak washing = "priestly ablutions". Campfire= "sacrifice".)

Our greatest discovery was that of this building (Jameses' house) which, compared to the small houses we must live in today due to overpopulation was a veritable palace, spacious and comfortable. Unfortunately, it was the first building to slip into the lake. It was in this palace that the High Priestly King of the community lived.

In the writings we have found one word which seemed to be of marked importance; this we believe to be the king's name. King Tuk, as we shall call him, seems to have led an opulent existence. From the number of offspring the evidence indicates, i.e. at least fourteen, including the offspring of the eldest daughter who married early and moved in with her parents, we assume he had a harem, who were housed in this nearby palace (Jordans'). However, he had a chief wife, who seem to have been named Potiko.

One of my assistants has been dressed in what we believe was the High Priestly garb of King Tuk. Here we see the ceremonial robe (jacket), the colour green obviously symbolizing fertility. On his head is the Holy Turban (Camp T-shirt worn Egyptian style). In his right hand he holds a cup eternally full of the Sacred Liquid and, in his left, a sacrificial weapon (bats cleaver or knife). (To assistant) Thank you.

In the palace of King Tuk and Queen Potiko were found these works of art (childish drawings). These seem to indicate the Dorionians were visited by spacemen whose memories became the basis of their culture and religion. Further evidence for this is the high quality of engineering and construction of the Temple, far beyond the capabilities of such primitives without the aid of higher intelligences. Four patches of dirt in the centre of the field, when viewed from above, look remarkably like a somewhat crooked diamond shape. We conclude the Dorionians, directed by aliens from the air, constructed this as a spaceship landing pad.