(Interviewer sits at desk. Dean enters.)

Interviewer:	Good day, Dean. That is your name, isn't it?
Dean:	Yes, that's right.
Int:	Yes, I thought I recognized you from the Bible Camp a few years ago when my son was in your cabin. Are you still working there?
Dean:	No, I work for the college now. The Camp was taken over by the Toronto Dominion Bank. Now they use it as a training centre for tellers.
Int:	Ah, yes. Quite right. I heard about that. Dreadful pity. (Both nod thoughtfully.) Well, how may I help you today, Mr. Barker?
Dean:	My name was left out of the phone book and I want to make sure it's listed next year.
Int:	Ah yes. Dreadfully sorry. So that's Barker, Dean, correct?
Dean:	No, actually I've changed my last name. I married a feminist and I took her name.
Int:	Which is ...
Dean:	Dean.
Int:	Dean?
Dean:	Yes, Dean, as in James Dean.
Int:	I see, so your name is now Dean Dean?
Dean:	Yes.
Int:	I see.
Dean:	It has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
Int:	Yes, very nice. And what is your address and phone number?
Dean:	Well, before we get to that, I'd like to have my title at the college listed as well.
Int:	And that is ... ?
Dean:	Dean.
Int:	Dean?
Dean:	Yes, that's right.
Int:	So your name is Dean Dean Dean?
Dean:	Yes, that's right.
Int:	Just out of curiosity, of what department are you Dean, Dean Dean Dean?
Dean:	Actually, I'm the head Dean in charge of all the other Deans.
Int:	So you are the Dean of Deans, Dean Dean Dean?
Dean:	Well, personally, I prefer to call it "Dean Dean". It's shorter.
Int:	Yes, I see. So, your full title is Dean Dean Dean Dean?
Dean:	That's right.
Int:	Could you spell that, please?
Dean:	D E A N (Interviewer motions him to continue. So Dean spells his name four times.)
Int:	Right, and how would you like that listed, Dean Dean Dean Dean? Would you prefer Dean, Dean Dean Dean or Dean, Dean (Dean Dean) or Dean, (Dean Dean) Dean or Dean, DEAN (Dean Dean) or Dean, Dean (DEANDEAN) or Dean, D. D.D.?
Dean:	I think I prefer Dean, Dean Dean Dean.
Int:	I'm sorry, Dean Dean Dean Dean, which was that?
Dean:	Sorry, was I mumbling? That's Dean, Dean Dean Dean.
Int:	Which was that, Dean Dean Dean Dean, "Dean, Dean (Dean Dean)"?
Dean:	No, Dean, Dean Dean Dean.
Int:	Oh, Dean, (Dean Dean) Dean.
Dean:	No. Tell you what, what is standard practice in cases like this?
Int:	Usually for security reasons it's best to go with initials, Dean Dean Dean Dean. That would be Dean, D. D. D..
Dean:	Dean, 3 D?
Int:	You could put it that way.
Dean:	Scary. Oh, I don't suppose I could have my university degree included?
Int:	Certainly and that would be ... ?
Dean:	Doctor of Divinity.
Int:	A D.D.?
Dean: (proudly)	That's right.
Int:	Ah-no--I'd think we'd better not.
Dean: (disappointed)	Oh.
Int:	Now, Dean Dean Dean Dean (D.D.), what is your address?
Dean:	Eighteen McBean.
Int:	And your phone number, please.
Dean:	345-3326. That's 345-D E A N.
Int: (muted anger)	I know.
Dean:	My favourite colour is green.
Int:	I don't need to know that.
Dean:	I own a clean submarine.
Int:	I see, well, yes, but ...
Dean:	I'm good friends with the Queen.
Int:	Dean! ...Dean Dean Dean. The interview is over. I have all the information I need. I have work to do. You have work to do. You have Deans to dean in your clean green submarine with Her Majesty the Queen. Now would you, please, kindly leave and send in the next client before I have to get mean. (Realizes the rhyme.)
Dean:	There's no need to make a scene.
Int:	Dean ... Dean Dean Dean. Go.
Dean: (as he leaves)	Sorry, I ...
Int:	Goodbye.

(Looks down. Enter Shawn Seargeant wearing three stripes or Shawn Minor wearing a miner's helmet. Interviewer looks up and is mildly upset.)

Int: (firmly)

I'm sorry, but we're going out of business.

(Puts head on desk. Shawn shrugs and leaves.)