Bing bong bing bong. Kitchen, the forbidden frontier. These are the voyages of the Kitchenship Potatoeyes, its continuing mission to concoct strange new recipes, to seek out new knives and air ventilation, to boldly wash what no kitchengirl has washed before. (Either play tape of theme or "sing" it. "Singing" Is more fun.)

Now for some highlights from the movie:

First the escape from the space dock. (The Potatoeyes, made from a potholder, a plate, 2 mustard or ketchup bottles, a spoon and tape, is backing up slowly.) The Kitchenship Exsudsier is sent to chase the escaping Potatoeyes. (Exs. is similar to Pot. but larger.)

Exsudsier: Kirk, you'll never escape. Just wait until we go into Transwarp drive; we'll blow them away.

Potatoeyes: The doors to the dock aren't opening! (Finally they do and the Potatoeyes backs out, turns around and goes into warp drive. Richard carries it around the audience.)
Exs.: Switch on Transwarp drive. (Dying engine sounds)
Scotty's voice: Good morrrrning, captain.

The spy ship carrying the information on the Genesis planet encounters a Klingon ship with its cloaking device on.

(Spy ship is a saucer, spoon and plastic glass taped together. The Klingon ship is a platter with scraper wings and a sievespoon "head". The cloaking device is a teatowel. Much confusion resulted in this scene because Shawn thought it was the spyship scene and Richard thought it was the science ship scene. Thus, this is a hybrid, but it's funnier that way. Spyship beams the information over.)

Klingon ship: Have you seen this information?
Spy Ship: Yes.
K.ship: That's too bad. Gunner, hit the engines. I want prisoners.
(Kship decloaks. This part is inaccurate.) Booooom (The spyship is destroyed.) I said I wanted prisoners. (Sounds of pain as the gunner is killed.)

In this scene the Potatoeyes meets the Klingon ship with its cloaking device on.

Potatoeyes: What's that distortion in space, captain?
Kirk: That's Shawn's face. Now I see it. Could it be a Klingon ship? My guess is that it will have to decloak to.fire. (Decloaks.) It's a Klingon ship! Fire phasers.

(Pot. shoots Kship with waterpistol. Kship replies, but their first shot is wide and hits someone in the audience. Somewhere in this scene a container of Comet flies by. "Look, captain, a comet!" When the Pot. is hit, it droops in space.)

Scott: Captain, we canna raise the shields. We're running out of powerrrrr.
Kship: Kirk, surrender your ship or we'll destroy you.
Kirk: Ha! We've got enough power to blow you out of the universe.
Kship: I think you're bluffing, Kirk. Besides I've got prisoners on the planet below--your son, David, his Vulcan girlfriend, what's-her-name, and Spock reincarnated from his own dandruff. (This last line was never said that way, but it would have been good that way.) Surrender, or I'll kill a prisoner.

Shawn: Now, there's a fight on the planet below. David tries to attack the Klingons and he gets killed.

Kship: I've just killed prisoner, Kirk--your son.
Kirk: What! You no good, dirty ... guy!

(Potatoeyes crew has a plan. They whisper it among themselves. Kirk addresses the ship's computer.)

Kirk: Computer. This is Captain James Tiberius Kirk. 1 1 1 A
Scott: This is Ltnt Commander Montgomery Scott. 1 1 1 A 2B
Sulu: This is Helmsman Sulu 1 1 1 A 2BC
Kirk: This is captain James Tiberius Kirk 0 0 0 0 0 Destruct (To Kship) Okay, you may now beam over. We surrender.

(Potatoeyes crew beams down to planet. Sugar jar is used for beaming. Some Klingons beam from the Kship.)

Klingons: Captain, there's no one here. There's just the voice of the computer.
Captn: What's it saying?
Computer: 6 ... 5 ... 4...
Captn: Get out of there, you fools!
Computer: 3...2 ... I ... BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM (Potatoeyes is destroyed.)

Shawn: This is a very touching scene for all Trekkies.

Now for the climactic scene: the fight between Kirk and the Klingon Captain.

(The fight is re-enacted using potatomen or eggmen, the latter being better, since the surviving egg can then be broken in Tammy's hair at some point. The eggs fight until the Klingon is hanging from the edge of the table. Kirk kicks Klingon in the face twice.)

Kirk: I've had enough of you! (Kicks once more. Klingon falls onto newspaper below. SPLAT!)

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