Opening Music. Lunch Bell. Enter Higgins, Puckering and Counsellors in a dignified manner. They sit at a table and with good manners begin to eat. Enter Lainie, loudly and slovenly dressed, who boisterously introduces herself in her strong American accent, and sits down to pig out, reaching in front of others and belching. Higgins & Puckering are disgusted and speak together off to one side. They discuss her atrocious behaviour and the fact that she is supposed to be a staff member. Higgins says he believes one's social position is determined by one's speech and manners. Given one week he could turn Lainie into the perfect Dorion Bible Camp Counsellor. Puckering doubts and they bet on it, the loser to do one month's water duty.

They approach Lainie introducing themselves and telling her that, if she will give him one week, Higgins will give her her wildest dream, to be a perfect Dorion Camp Counsellor. She rises and sings:

She returns to eating and Higgins and Puckering drag her forcibly away.

Higgins, Puckering and Lainie are up late at night in Higgins' study. Higgins has been trying to teach Lainie how to speak. Growing frustrated, he asks her to repeat "I saw raindrops on the window. Joy is like the rain." He speaks this line (as all his lines) in a refined English accent. She repeats it in her American accent and Higgins is outraged. He tries again, again with failure. He tells her her vowels are all wrong and moves her mouth around to position it correctly.

The last time she tries it is perfect. In joy Higgins and Puckering dance around together singing "I think she's got it, she's got it." etc.. Just then Lainie picks up her pillow and, while walloping Higgins and Puckering, sings:

The scene ends with Higgins and Puckering lying on the floor in pain.

Puckering and Counsellors are seated. Kitchen girls stiffly sing:

(Exeunt Kitchen girls)

Enter Higgins and Lainie (in dress) and Andy James. Lainie is presented to Andy and says, as they sit down, "How kind of you to let me come, ---- eh?"

Andy complains of recent rain.

Lainie: I saw raindrops on my window, eh? Joy is like the rain, eh? However, it is rather dreadful as I have a hole in my roof. But it is good for the grass, for they suck up the nourishment through their roots. And it is good to hear the gurgling of the creek.

(The underlined words are mispronounced and them corrected.)

Andy: (thinks for a while, then) There's been a hoax! You're not really a Dorion Camp Counsellor. You speak too well. You're too refined. You must really be from ... Nipigon... of all places.

(Higgins and Puckering react with laughter as Andy has been fooled. The bell sounds.)

Andy: Oh, the bell! I have to give the sermon, so "Get Me to the Chapel on Time." (He sings this line, as he dances out.)

Puckering and Higgins congratulate each other on the success of the experiment. Lainie complains in her American accent that she deserves credit.

Higgins: You! If it weren't for me you'd've been doomed to the miserable existence of a mere ... Yank!

Lainie: How dare you, you... swine canuck!

(Higgins takes a concealed pie and puts it in Lainie's face and sings: "I've thrown a custard in her face.")

Closing music and curtain calls.