However, that being said....)
| Rich: | Good day. May I help you? |
| Dean: | Yes, I'm interested in working at your camp. |
| R: | Oh, very good. Very good. How did you come to hear about our camp? |
| D: | One of your former kitchen girls is a friend of mine and she told me about it. |
| R: | "Kitchen girls!" I'm sorry but we have no kitchen girls. That is a demeaning sexist term. At our camp we have Hospitality Hostesses and sometimes even Hospitality Hosts. |
| D: | Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know. |
| R: | That's alright, I suppose. I don't think anyone else heard. So, in what position are you interested? |
| D: | Well, I was thinking about possibly being a joboy ... |
| R: | A what!? I'm sorry, but at this camp we employ only Engineers of the Physical Plant. And actually at this point we are downsizing the department and are regrettably forced to ... uh ... de-hire some of the staff. |
| D: | Oh, well, I suppose I could be a counsellor. |
| R: | I believe it is the position of Facilitator of Positive Social Interaction and Spiritual Development to which you are referring. |
| D: | Uh, okay, if you insist. Do I have to be a certain age? |
| R: | Well, we do want our Facilitators of Positive Social Interaction and Spiritual Development to be at least eighteen, but we're not actually allowed to ask your age. |
| D: | You're not? |
| R: | No, we could get into big trouble on human rights issues if we did. However, we could ask you questions about your mother, since she's not applying for the position. For instance, did she happen to have a baby more than eighteen years ago? |
| D: | Why, yes. |
| R: | And did that baby happen to grow up to look exactly like you'? |
| D: | Why, yes, in fact she did! |
| R: | She? |
| D: | Yes, I have a twin sister. |
| R: | And she looks exactly like you? |
| D: | Yes, people are often amazed by the resemblance. |
| R: | I'll bet they are. |
| D: | We even sound alike. |
| R: | What's her name? |
| D: | Dean. |
| R: | I'm sorry I asked. Anyway, if I understand it correctly, you are the same age as your sister? |
| D: | I don't believe you're allowed to ask me that. |
| R: | I'm sorry. Is your sister the same age as you? |
| D: | No, she's a year younger. |
| R: | I don't want to know. |
| D: | Good, because I don't want to tell you. It involves very unpleasant memories. |
| R: | Anyway, we'll be wanting references on you. Who was this Hospitality Hostess who told you about our camp? |
| D: | Actually, I forget her name, but she's very short. |
| R: | You mean "vertically disadvantaged", Dean. |
| D: | And cute. |
| R: | You mean "visually appealing according to current cultural standards". |
| D: | And smart. |
| R: | You mean "intellectually advantaged demonstrated by above average scores on academic standardized tests". |
| D: | Look, I'm tired of this. I want to talk to the camp director. Is he around? |
| R: | He? He? Why, you sexist! Our Administrative Supervisor and Facilitator of Overall Camp Financial, Social, Spiritual, Athletic, Romantic, Hygienic Matters: Probationary is a woman! Not only is she a woman, but vertically disadvantaged, visually impaired and unable to spell or tell time. Not only that, she's an alien: an American! |
| D: | Well, I don't care, because I don't think I want to work at Dorion Bible Camp anyway. |
| R: | That's Dorion and Hurkett Area Sacred Scriptural Recreational Leadership Training and Skills Developing Environmentally Friendly Rural Temporary Residence and Rental Facility to you, mister. |
| D: | I don't care!! The whole thing is stupid! |
| R: | Stupid?! You mean "intellectually incongruent according to your present perceptions of reality". |
| D: | No, it's stupid! STUPID. STUPID! STUPID! |
| R: | In that case, Dean, I am forced to tell you that I am, in reality, Lieutenant Worf of the U.S.S. Enterprise: Chief weapons officer and I have no choice but to terminate you for the good of the Federation. (Pulls out phaser and shoots Dean. Salutes audience and exits.) |
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