Scene One

Unknown to most earthlings, aliens from the Planet Zargon have been observing us for centuries. They have compiled a video training manual for their contingent of secret agents.

Here we see Commander Zarg and his aide, Lieutenant Ixplatt, preparing to infiltrate human life beginning at Dorion Bible Camp. Secretly Dean and Richard have been transported to the Zargon spaceship orbiting Earth. Zarg and Ixplatt will be transmogrified into fiendishly accurate imitations of these two brave young men.

(Dean and Richard, covered in blankets with big eyes, enter. Lights flicker and strange sounds are heard. They throw off the blankets and appear as Dean and Richard. Unused to their new forms, they are unable to walk properly.)

Richard (Zarg) and Dean (Ixplatt), unused to their human shapes and unable to run to the dining hall, arrive late for supper.

(Zarg and Ixplatt stagger in and sit with some campers at a table. Zarg is given a pitcher to hold up, but is unable to hold it steady, which annoys Kathi Jo when she takes it. Andy “streaks” over.)

Andy: “Don’t ever do that again.” (Zarg is mystified.)

(They observe the campers eating.)
Zarg: “They appear to insert nourishment into their bodies through openings in their faces.”
(The Zargons experiment by sticking their food up their noses and in their ears.)

(Then Zarg leads them in the Camp song, droning in his Zargon voice, thrashing discordantly on the guitar, assisted by Ixplatt, who holds the song card sideways. [The singing of the Camp Song was forgotten in the ’90 version.])

Due to a programming error by Richard (Zarg), Dean (Ixplatt) has to teach Archery.

(The campers are lined up, as Ixplatt demonstrates Archery by shooting an arrow. The campers are impressed as the arrow goes completely out of sight. Soon one camper grasps an “arrow” stuck in his back and drops.)

Ixplatt: “Oops!”

Dean (Ixplatt) mistakes the swim bell for teamtime and follows six campers to the flagpole. Discovering his error, he arrives late for water duty.

(As the campers walk out into the lake, “sinking” as they go, Ixplatt remains walking on top of the water. The campers are astonished.)

Ixplatt: “Good life preserver.”